Star Wars: Crazy Images

It’s fair to say that Star Wars has pretty much conquered the internet and popular culture like an imperial cyber march. So much so that it’s beginning to draw in every other bit of popular culture and chewing on it. Sometimes it’s just self referential using gags that everyone gets. Sometimes it’s so thuggishly funny it has to be included (like the one below). Whatever you think – Star Wars is going nowhere. Avengers photo gags in thirty years? Who knows. It lacks the juicy soap opera of bother and sister having an unsuspecting kiss and gay robots so maybe it will never reach the heady heights that Lucas’ brain child enjoys. Never the less, here’s a selection for you…

Learn How to Fight (or not) With A Lightsaber

Now you too can learn to fight like a real Jedi with the help of this handy youtube guide. No longer need you worry about actually hitting somebody with your lightsaber, instead you can learn to dance around like a fool while waving your glowing laser sword in a picturesque fashion.

Ok, so we know most fight scenes are choreographed but it’s kinda funny to see just how silly the battle in the Phantom Menace really is when slowed right down.

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Porkins Destroys the Death Star

After years of cruel suggestions that Jekk Porkins ‘Hindenburged’ into the Death Star while either 1) Eating Burger and Fries 2) Trying to open Cheetos or 3) Farting so badly he destroyed his own X-Wing from the inside have been swiftly dismissed with the discovery of this incredible piece of unseen footage. Pieced together from in-flight footage, battle records and accounts from previously silenced Red Wing pilots a picture of the true heroism and glory of Porkins at the legendary battle of Yavin. Having survived the battle, Porkin’s subsequently died of a massive heart attack at the Victory Party and it appears that Rebel Leaders decided Luke Skywalker should be made the public face of the success at Yavin. How different it all could’ve been…

Our own part in the public defamation of a true hero is something we shall always deeply regret. We hope that Porkin’s family and loved ones accept our sincere apologies (including Jabba).

The Lost Jedi: Jedi Master Ca De Nas

Ca De Nas (Cristian Cadenas) is a master of arms for the Jedi. One of the foremost trainers of Lightsabre technique in the galaxy, Ca De Nas is based on Coruscant at the time of Order 66. A trainer of Anakin Skywalker in the years prior to the Clone Wars, Ca De Nas tried to impart the wisdom of open hand techniques in battle and introduce mercy, guile and non-fatal attacks. Anakin struggles to fight his teacher for a time, until fury takes hold. Ca De Nas instinctively held back some of the techniques taught to all Padawans at Master Yoda’s request and Obi Wan’s agreement until he had demonstrated greater control of his temper. Ca De Nas’ capacity for guile and adaptability make him a difficult opponent and a respected warrior in the Jedi ranks.

Epic Jedi Street Battle!!

… and if the post from two weeks ago (Revenge of the Jedi A-holes) ain’t sharp enough for you here’s an Epic Jedi Gang Fight on the streets of Los Angeles courtesy of Sam Macaroni via Shaycarl on Youtube. The man also responsible for this mess in a backgarden…

Lost Jedi: Jedi Master Yoda

Master Yoda’s escape from Kashyyk was going to be focussed on in more detail in Lost Jedi as he tries to make his way to the launch point with Chewie. On the far side of the planet, a contingent of Jedi are heading towards the main battle site with the intention of extraction and damage control. Yoda is aware of their presence and does what he can to aid them from his position but to no avail.

The Lost Jedi: Master Govija Kaoli

Jedi Master Govija Kaoli (Jack Gavin) is a whip crack smart tactician who always gets every body killed. Always put at the sharp end because of his calm exterior, Govija Kaoli has only one true Achilles heel. His Padawan Mooba Choobi. Having been assigned an idiot nephew to the successful Hooba Choobi, Govija finds his path immeasurably blocked by the affable buffoon. Govija is a kind hearted warrior with almost immeasurable patience and a wry view of the universe but even he is uncertain whether his strong Jedi intuition and piloting abilities will help him survive alongside such an incredible idiot.

Jack Gavin doing a pose

The complete Star Wars Holiday Special (with authentic 1978 ads)

Few things have gone down in notoriety like the Star Wars Holiday Special. Almost unanimously revered as the worst thing ever brought out of the Star Wars canon it was, I think, a sincere attempt to bring Star Wars to Christmas.

Dodging any religious incorrectness, Wookees celebrate Life Day on Kashyyk. watch Harrison Ford struggle manfully to maintain cheer, hope that Uncle Itchy doesn’t beat little cousin Lumpy in front of the cameras. In between the ludicrous schmaltz there is some decent action sequences and if you like the idea of seeing extra Han Solo / Chewbacca footage, Carrie Fisher singing and some season friendly chop socky against Imperial humbuggers then take a look. There’s even a bit of Jefferson Starship. Through the fact that it’s essentially a day in the life of a Wookee family (including a geriatric Wookee getting his jollies watching dancing girls in a hair dryer). Brilliant!

We here at Beyond the Bunker wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!

Star Wars Galaxies: An Obituary

Gamers across the world are jointly mourning and celebrating today as Star Wars Galaxies finally closes its servers for good. As the sun sets on today the game which brought the Star Wars Universe to the Massively Multiplayer Online world will stack the chairs on the tables, give the bar one final wipe and switch off the lights on its way into the history books. It may seem odd to write an obituary for a computer game but as a site that frequently covers both games and Star Wars, it seems right to spend a bit of time looking back over the life of a game that has had such a profound impact on both.

Released in 2001, Star Wars Galaxies was a joint venture by LucasArts and Sony Online Entertainment that aimed to allow people to live within the world of the Star Wars movies. Set in between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, the game let players create characters from many of the franchise’s popular races and then set them out into the galaxy to earn a living any way they saw fit. It saw great success early on but a series of unpopular decisions by the development team combined with the monolithic rise of games like World of Warcraft saw the games subscriber numbers gradually dwindle and the decision was finally made earlier this year to pull the plug.

Unlike modern MMOs, SWG was a true sandbox game which in many ways bore more resemblance to Skyrim than something like WoW. Rather than leading players by the hand from quest to quest or insisting on strict class choices, SWG simply allowed players to find their own path. If you wanted your character to be a smuggler, you picked up a pistol, spoke to a guy and started smuggling. If you wanted to be a tradesman and open a shop selling the finest weapons on the galaxy, you could do that too. Heck, you could even be a hairdresser if you wanted to. It was a level of freedom unheard of in today’s world of tanks, dps and healers.

I came to STW not long after launch after a house mate of mine gave me his copy to try and I can honestly say that it was like no gaming experience I’ve had before or since. I rolled a Wookie musician, scraped together the money to buy a flute from another player who was kind enough to discount it for me and started busking on the streets of Coronet City. Before long, passers by started stopping (I’m talking players here, not NPCs) and throwing change in my direction. We’d swap life stories, chat about the galactic civil war, at one point a Jedi even paid me a few extra coins so that I wouldn’t tell any passing Imperials that he’d come by (I sold him out first chance I got). It was a level of immersion and roleplaying that you simply don’t see in today’s world of “LFGs” and “ROFLCOPTERs” but at the same time it didn’t have the kind of scary nerdism that permeates many hardcore RP communities. This was just regular people, playing in the Star Wars universe and totally digging it.

This was all helped by SOE’s relentless focus on pushing community events. Players were encouraged to organise their own in game events and in return the company would advertise those events prominently on the game’s website. If you were stuck for something to do for an evening you could just log onto the SWG site, find that there was a Cantina crawl going down on Tatooine and head on over. Before long I found myself touring the galaxy, performing stand up comedy routines to groups of other players. I even performed at a couple’s in-game wedding (a regrettable incident which ended with me vomiting on the bride after ingesting too much “spice”). I spent days playing SWG.

But it wasn’t all roses. While the community in the game was second to none, the game itself was riddled with flaws from the start. Classes were unbalanced, bugs went unfixed and promised updates were delayed. While this didn’t matter to the roleplaying community, those who craved more action were left wanting. When Blizzard arrived on the scene with its near bug free World of Warcraft, those players began to migrate en-mass. SOE tried to stem the tide with the now infamous “Combat Upgrade“ which served only to break the connection between the combat and non-combat classes, effectively splitting the community in half. When that didn’t work the developers went back to the drawing board and rolled out the even more controversial “New Game Experience.” The NGE gutted the sandbox elements from the game and turned it into a straight, class based MMO like WoW. The previously strict barriers to playing a Jedi were dropped and the ability to freely change professions vanished. When the dust settled the number of playable classes had dropped from 33 to a mere 9.

While many gaming communities like to moan about how things were better in the old days, the NGE is a widely recognised example of a cataclysmic failure by a gaming company to recognise what fans loved about their game. By attempting to emulate World of Warcraft, SOE succeeded only in creating a second rate clone. They couldn’t best the newer games on their turf and they had surrendered their own uniqueness in order to wage that war. It is perhaps telling that for a good couple of years post NGE, the phrase “SWG exile” mentioned in any other MMO would almost always reveal one other member of your group to have been a former player.

For the next few years SWG slowly lived out its retirement, sustained by a dwindling cabal of loyal fans. The announcement of Bioware’s  Star Wars: Old Republic in 2008 all but sealed SWG’s fate as LucasArts moved its support away from the old warhorse and on to the new star. When the final announcement came in July this year, fans past and present were expecting it. To SOE’s credit they continued putting out new content right up until the final weeks of the game and the players themselves will doubtlessly give their old playground a hell of a send off. One group of players even got together to create this tribute video to the world they wrote:

SWG will always be thought of with mixed emotions by the people who played it. Yes it was a mess in terms of gameplay and yes it was dogged by terrible management decisions at every level. But for the Rancor hunts on Dathomir, for the time spent sitting in a bar haggling with a shady trader over the price of a new speeder, for being the only game that’s ever let you truly LIVE in George Lucas’s universe, it deserves its place among the great games of our time.

Rest in Peace SWG. Thanks for all the stories.

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Lost Jedi: Rial Shif


A glitch in the force, Rial Shif (Alistair Reith) is a Jedi Knight of the highest capability but troubled with bouts of darkness and anger. His gruff exterior hides an honourable and honest Jedi but his manner found him at odds with many in the Jedi Order. He chose the path of Jedi Ronin, wandering the space lanes and bringing the path of the Jedi to the darkest recesses of the universe. His movements go unreported and undirected, Master Yoda and Windu trusting his innate judgment implicitly. With the onset of Order 66, no evidence of Shif existed in the archives – a secret that Yoda and Windu would take to their respective paths. His mission becomes a new one. The identification and protection of Lost Jedi and the reinstatement of the Jedi Order. Incredibly powerful with enormous psychokinetic powers as well as a cool and efficient capacity for dispatching his enemies, Shif is the closest thing to a Dark Jedi without having tipped irrevocably over the edge.

You may recognise Alistair Reith as the basis for our disreputable, hard boiled partner to Moon in BTB’s flagship title. He just looks right as a hard bitten, gruff warrior on the edge of the cause he’s fighting for. An, quite frankly, he’d agree with us.

Moon

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